My whole body was heating up. I couldn’t sit still. My ability to conceal my emotions was nearing absolute zero. I was done. Totally and completely done. 

This teacher meeting was fucking bullshit and a total waste of time. Again.

It wasn’t any more pointless or frustrating than usual, but at the end of a tough day, in a bad week, near the end of a draining and disappointing school year, in an after-hours time slot that admin practically required but wouldn’t pay us for…… 

I was silent on the outside.  Inside, I tried to distract myself and just let the time pass, but my inner voice was practically screaming.

“Holy shit would you just shut the hell up and move on!”

“Why are we talking about the same old stuff we always talk about?  Nobody in the room can do anything about the situation, and others who could don’t care!”

I was so over this tired old scene that I actually started to sweat.  I was a few months from retirement; not because I had taught a full 35 years, but because I couldn’t take the nonsense of public school anymore and decided to quit.

Could I just keep myself together a little longer?

The answer I felt was – NO!

I took a deep breath and was about one full second away from hosing down the room with the linguistic equivalent of a blow torch, when I felt my pocket buzz.  

It distracted me just enough.

I pulled out my phone and saw the wordless text that may very well have saved my career:

🔪

The meaning was clear, perfectly timed, and hilarious! Sent from my friend and colleague down at the other end of the table, it was hard not to laugh out loud when I shot her a glance.

I don’t know if it was lucky timing or an intentional effort to help me regulate myself, but the effect it had on me was huge.  

I was knocked out of my rage rhythm. I felt understood and supported. I got calm!  Well, at least sort of calm.

I don’t remember much else about the meeting, only that I kept my self together and survived it without incident by staring at the emoji knife over and over. 

It’s not an exaggeration to describe that text as one of the best and most important ones I’ve ever received. 

Thank you Kirstin!