Well, as if forgetting your pants once isn’t bad enough- there’s more!

Here’s “I Forgot My Pants”- the sequel.

Just like last time– I was playing trumpet on a gig and needed to wear black pants.  This time it was with a national traveling band called Rick K & The All-Nighters, who were passing through the region.  I had worked with them a bit previously and they asked me and my longtime friend Mark Rutter (we met in kindergarten) to make the 2 hour trip from Lancaster, meet them at the big car show in Bloomsburg, and play a gig with them. 

Mark played trombone. Rick’s sax player was a guy named Seth Mellon.  Seth travelled with the band but Mark and I knew him because he was based in Reading, a town not too far from Lancaster.  Seth played great and was always fun to hang out with, so Mark and I were looking forward to a good gig.

Dress for the occasion was black jeans, but with the hot summer day and a long car ride in front of me, I wanted to dress comfortably for as long as possible. I put on shorts and a T-shirt, gathered my things for the gig and left for Bloomsburg.  About halfway there, I realized that I didn’t bring the black jeans I was supposed to wear.  At this point, I don’t remember why or what excuse there might have been, but I wasn’t really worried about it.

I was going to get to Bloomsburg in plenty of time to check in with the band, do sound check, and then hit the local mall to get a pair of black jeans before the show.  I needed a new pair anyway.

I pulled up to the area behind the stage about the same time as Mark, and we both started to panic a bit.  Rick and The All-Nighters were on stage playing already!

What happened!?

One of the crew guys saw us looking stressed and came over.  “No worries.” he said. “We’re just sound checking early.”

Mark and I joined Seth, Rick K and the others on stage and finished the sound check.  Then Rick came over to greet us.

“Hey guys- there’s been a big change of plans. It’s supposed to rain pretty heavy here in a few hours.” he said.

I was confused. “Are we cancelled?  The stage and audience area is covered though.”

Rick cleared things up. “It’s not the people they’re worried about- it’s the cars.  People put thousands of dollars into making these old cars look great- and one thing they hate is rain and mud. Everyone’s packing up and getting out of here before the rain comes.”

“So, we are cancelled?”

“Nope. But, they moved our set up 2 hours so we can get it in before the storm.  We start in 20 minutes.”

“Ok great!” I lied.

Now I had no time to go get pants and was faced with playing the show in running shorts.  Even though the car show was closing up early, there were still thousands of people there wanting to squeeze in a bit more fun before the storm came through.

Mark and Seth went to change clothes, while I explained to both of them my sad situation.

“Hey, no sweat.” Seth said. “I have an extra pair of black jeans in my car.”

“What? Why?” I said in shock.

“I actually have 2 extra pairs.  I bought them at JC Penny’s a while back. Didn’t feel like trying them on at the time so I just bought a bunch of sizes, figuring I’d take the others back.  But they’ve been riding in my back seat for about month now.”

Wow! 

I went to Seth’s car and sure enough- he did actually have 2 brand new pair of black jeans in the back seat of his car.  There was just one problem- Seth is much thinner than I am.

“That’s ok.” I thought.  “All I have to do is get them buttoned.”

Easier said than done.

Pair number one barely made it up over my ass. It was so hot and such work getting them that far that I was fully drenched in sweat when I maxed them out. It wasn’t even worth attempting to button them.

The next pair was only one size bigger, but it was made by a different company.  My only hope was that this company’s sizes ran big.

Trying them on didn’t start out well.  I worked the jeans up my legs and over the rest until they were in place for the big test- buttoning.

My god they were tight!

I exhaled to shrink my waist and pulled as hard as I could, yanking the buttons towards each other as more sweat poured over me.

It worked!  They buttoned!

For a second, I was so happy and relieved that I forgot I would have to both breath deeply and walk while wearing these tourniquets.  But there wasn’t time to think about it.

I waddled on stage like Frankenstein, every breath cutting the waistband deeper into my gut.  I’m quite sure I looked ridiculous, but we got through the show in dry weather with a large, happy crowd.  

By the time I managed to move backstage after the show, most of the car enthusiasts were pulling out, heading home to beat the rain and mud.  I was very grateful to Seth for the pants, but I couldn’t wait to get them off!

When I did, the relief was intense!

With the storm quickly approaching in the sky, I headed the opposite direction for home.  I wouldn’t have cared if the storm had drenched me to the core- at least I could breath again!

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