Once I turned 50, I started venting my frustration at the irritations of life. It felt good, so I kept doing it. I call these periodic and hopefully humorous verbal tantrums Old Man Rants. Let’s get to it:
Greetings?
Can somebody please review for me the most current acceptable greeting for people to share upon meeting? It used to be pretty simple: handshake, hug, or the good old handshake-“bro hug” combo. All were acceptable.
Well, Covid sure messed that up.
Since the lockdown, fist bumping has become very popular as well, so now greetings often look to two dramatic symphony conductors face-to-face in some sort of close range, band leading showdown.
Hey CDC! Can we get some guidelines on this?
Foul Foods To Fool With
While I’m ranting I may as well take things to a new level of pettiness. Here are 2 foods I’m sick of dealing with but always seem to encounter anyway.
Red beets: that red juice gets everywhere and stains everything. Can’t we grow some hybrid strain of beets that produce stainless juice?
Peanut Butter: too sticky on utensils, hard to clean out the jar… plus I’m allergic to it anyway so I admit I have a bad attitude towards it.
Ah! I feel better now, time to go chase some punks off my lawn.
For more Old Man Rants, plus articles of a more serious and useful nature, visit Five O’Clock Shadow, an online magazine by Todd Fulginiti.
Five O'Clock Shadow 
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Yay! Old Man Rants are my favorite! And I’m with you on all of these. I think greetings also wind up resembling gang signs being thrown up when that happens. Which is slightly off topic, but it reminds me of the comedian Brian Regan and his schtick about saying thank you or goodby. Like you’re getting on an airplane and someone (who isn’t going anywhere) says, “Have a good flight,” and you automatically respond with, “You too.” Or you combine “Take care” and “Good luck” and it comes out “Take luck!” This greeting stuff just gets way too complicated sometimes. 😆
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😂😂 Good points! Thanks Kendra!
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I love your rant about the CDC and begging for ‘greeting guidelines’. Yes, make it so, Todd! I’m with you about beets…my best friend LOVES them, but I think they serve better purposes as old-fashioned textile dye…for the reasons you mentioned. However, it’s a good thing you mentioned your peanut butter aversion is allergy-related…if you hadn’t added that I was planning to terminate our blogging friendship. No friend of mine can say, boldly, “I don’t like peanut butter”. It’s a desert island food for me…but then again, it’s not gonna make me sick. Thanks for the fun Wed morning rant! 😊😎😊
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😰 Whew! I dodged a bullet by being allergic! I used to like the taste of peanut butter, pre-allergy. If I were to become un-allergic again I might eat it, but I would want somebody to feed it to me so I wouldn’t have to deal with the stickiness that somehow ends up on fingers, spoon handles… 😁
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I hear you about the sticky quality. It’s gross…and right now we’re feeding the pooch three different types of capsule or tablet medicines and the only way she’ll eat them is if they’re coated with peanut butter — what a mess – especially when she licks off the yummy coating and spits out the meds. Oy! Thanks for the morning giggles! 😉
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Haha I went through the same thing with my dog – what a pain 🙃
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