I would be surprised if this blog is meaningful to anybody – it’s basically just me rambling on to amuse myself, which if you know me, you know this happens frequently.
Read on at the risk of wasted time.
As we are all well aware, humans make mistakes. And most of the time, we try to learn from those mistakes and get better at what we’re doing. Most of the time that’s true for me too.
Most of the time, but not all the time.
Here is a short list of things I’ve been told I do incorrectly, yet I’m going to purposely keep doing incorrectly because I like it better that way.
Opening A Straw
How I Do It:
I hold the straw perpendicular to a hard surface, and then smack it down onto that hard surface so that the straw pops upward through the top of the paper. Then I take the rest of the paper off. It’s true, sometimes the straw buckles on impact with the surface and is rendered useless. But most of the time it works just fine.
How You Are Apparently Supposed To Do It:
Don’t care.
Putting On A Suit Jacket
How I Do It:
I put on a suit jacket by inserting my right arm, and then swinging the jacket around and sticking my left arm up in the air to a 45° angle. I then somewhat awkwardly push my arm through and get the jacket up and around my left shoulder. I’ve been told this looks a little weird and nobody does it this way. Apparently it’s not very elegant either.
How You Are Apparently Supposed To Do It:
Don’t care.
Opening An Envelope
How I Do It:
I hold the envelope up to the light and notice the edge at which there is an empty space along one side. Then I tear the envelope from top to bottom along that side, and take out the contents through the giant hole I’ve created. If things go awry during the tearing process, I just rip the envelope open any which way. This technique has been accused of being destructive and making it difficult to put the things back in the envelope if needed.
How You Are Apparently Supposed To Do It:
Don’t care.
Handing Out Dog Treats
How I Do It:
I like to give dog treats, so I give them lots of treats a lot of times. Not to the point that they get sick, but I admit I do push the envelope a little bit. I don’t make them do tricks or behave or anything like that. They love to have treats and I love to make them happy so I figure it’s a good deal all around. I’ve been told that this makes the dog fat and lazy, and to a degree, entitled.
How You Are Apparently Supposed To Do It:
Don’t care.
Garbage Can Return
How I Do It:
Each Tuesday night we put our garbage cans out by the street. The following morning, the trash truck comes by and empties them, leaving our empty garbage cans on the sidewalk. It’s about a 30 second walk from there to the back of our yard, where the trash cans are kept.
Usually, when I come outside after trash collection, I have something better to do than replace the trashcans. So, I pick them up and whip them airborne over the fence so they bounce heavily onto the lawn and roll around the grass a bit before settling down. The next time I go into the yard, I pick them up and take them back to their spot.
How You Are Apparently Supposed To Do It:
Don’t care.
Am I the only person that, for some reason, enjoys doing things wrong on purpose and doesn’t care what the proper procedures are? If so, I’ll accept the ridicule. But if not – what’s something you enjoy doing wrong and refuse to change?
