I took a look at my blog recently and was totally shocked to see that my last Old Man Rant was a stunning 17 weeks ago- way back on April 19.  Did I somehow manage to avoid everything that irritates me for all of those weeks?!

Of course not.  I just kept the irritation pent up inside so people don’t hear me complaining all the time and decide that I really am the grouchy character I portray in these Old Man Rants.

But as time passes, I become less tolerant of irritants (especially people) to the point that I now need to unload some of this negativity on you, the reader.  

Continue on if you’re willing to indulge me.  If not, jump off now because here we go…….

Irritating Son Of A Beach!

I just came home from a truly lovely week at the beach, our second such stint of the summer.  But as good as it was, the entire beach experience could have been improved with one small adjustment. Despite the sappy post I wrote to the contrary here, the beach would be way better if there were no humans on it. Unfortunately, it seems that too many of us are irritating sons of beaches.  

What does a person have to do to be labelled an Irritating Son Of A Beach? Read on- and should you be guilty of any of this assininery, heed the famous words of rapper/actor Iced-T and “check yo’self before you wreck yo’self”.

The following behaviors identify a person as an Irritating Son Of A Beach:

1. Encroachment

When entering the beach, newcomers should look around for unoccupied areas to… occupy.  Granted, sometimes these areas don’t exist and the only option is for them to crowd right up into a stranger’s territory.  But way too often, irritating son of a beaches plop their stuff down in the sand within inches of other groups, while open plots of land remain free and clear. Come on man!! Nobody likes this! Plus, if you’re an encroacher, the rest of us are “gonna talk shit about you” for the rest of the day.

If you lack the spatial awareness or the concern to avoid being an “encroacher”, then you just punched your admission ticket to the Irritating Son Of A Beach club.

2. Litter

I can’t even believe this needs to be said.  But for God’s sake DO NOT LITTER FOR ANY REASON- EVER!  There’s no excuse for it- at all! Be conscientious and aware- clean up your trash, toys, wrappers, etc. and make sure your kids do the same.  

I cannot for the life of me, understand why this is so difficult for so many people.  I actually believe that beach littering should be a criminal offense. And yes, I’m serious.

Just don’t F$%&ing do it!

If you do end up littering, you are 100% for sure an Irritating Son Of A Beach.

3.  DJ’ing

This is my term for people who play their music loud enough for others to hear. I do concede that in some cases, it’s entirely possible for a beach goer to play music at an acceptable volume and still have it heard “next door”.  It does happen sometimes.

But, when you crank the volume so much that the whole area is forced to accept you as their new beach DJ, you’ve earned yourself a gig in the Irritating Son Of A Beach club.

4. Town Crier

Similar to DJ’ing is the problem of talking so loud that all surrounding beach goers can’t help but to listen in on your conversation whether they actually want to or not. This makes you the Town Crier and an automatic member of the Irritating Son Of A Beach club.  

I recently, and against my will, heard the whiny tales of 5 people who were Town Crying the difficulties they were having finding dates on Hinge. They couldn’t understand why nobody was interested in them.  Well- it wasn’t a big mystery to those of us who were forced to overhear the whole conversation! Maybe they should put Irritating Son Of A Beach on their Hinge profile.

Despite what you might think after reading this rant, I really had a great time at the beach and love going there (as evidenced in my monthly Photo Journals). But, it’s also good to be home because…….

I need to go run some kids off my front lawn.

If you like these outbursts, you can read all previous rants here.

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