Late Show host Stephen Colbert sometimes interviews guests by using a list of 16 quirky questions known as The Colbert Questionnaire. The idea is to cut through the guest’s Hollywood persona and reveal their “true self”.
Well, I have no Hollywood persona and it’s unlikely that Stephen Colbert will ever interview me, so I took matters into my own hands and answered the questionnaire myself. It’s a fun batch; some super-serious and other super-pointless. I find that type of thing very amusing!
If you do too, read on. Better yet, take the quiz yourself and encourage your friends to do the same. If it doesn’t reveal anybody’s true self, it should at least make for some good conversation.
Here is my Colbert Questionnaire
1. What’s the best sandwich?
Superhard question because I’m a big sandwich guy, but I’ll go with a Primo’s Turkey Diablo. Ask me tomorrow and you may get a different answer. Honorable mention the Nashville Hot Chicken sandwich.
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?
There’s a black shirt I love to wear for gigs. It’s worn so thin that you can see through it very easily. But it keeps me cool because it’s very breathable. Tammy keeps threatening to throw it out for me.
3. What is the scariest animal?
A mentally ill human with a firearm
4. Apples or oranges?
Apples for sure
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
Many times! The Philadelphia 76ers used to hold training camp at Franklin & Marshall College, in my hometown of Lancaster. After school we would go over and watch practice, then wait for the players to come out and ask for autographs. I got Julius Erving, Maurice Cheeks, and a bunch of the players on those great teams. I also got my favorite childhood Philadelphia Eagle, Wilbert Montgomery. He and a few other Eagles would travel around in the off season, playing basketball against high school faculty to raise money for charity. This was all back in the early-mid ’80’s.
6. What do you think happens when we die?
Have you ever seen the Pixar movie called “Soul”? Their whole concept of where we came from and where we’re going matches mine very closely. Watch the movie- it’s a good one!!
7. Favorite action movie?
I’m not really into action movies, but I am into Pixar movies. The Incredibles- both 1 & 2.
8. Favorite smell?
Pine. Honorable mention to a clean river. Also honorable mention to sweetgrass.
9. Least favorite smell?
We live near a lot of farms- you can probably guess. Also there’s an asphalt truck that, twice a day, drives down the street a block away from our house and it smells horrible. My wife likes it though.
10. Exercise: worth it?
Hell yeah! Ten thousand percent yes!
11. Flat or sparkling?
You got Coke products?
12. Most used app on your phone?
Text, email, camera, GPS in that order. As far the unnecessary ones, Tammy got me hooked on this game called MapTap.
13. Window or aisle
Aisle. I like leg room! The windows are small and don’t always line up with the seat anyway.
14.You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
Musicology by Prince. It’s cool and funky enough to groove to all day, but not so kick-ass that it would distract from everything else.
15. What number am I thinking of?**
Well since I’m asking myself, I’ll say 9 or 3. Both answers are correct.
16. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.
Connect. Explore. Improve. Enjoy. Love.
Bonus: I’ve seen Colbert ask this one a few times.
Is the hot dog a sandwich?
The answer is definitely no. And don’t try to argue against me with logic- I won’t buy it!
Five O'Clock Shadow 
Aww, Dr. J and Mo Cheeks. Wow. The doctor is still the GOAT. Yea, yea, Michael Jordan and Lebron are fine, but Erving for me was the best of all time. Loved watching Kareem, Russell, Kobe, Magic, Wilt Chamberlain, Shaq, Larry Bird, and anyone else from today’s game that you want to throw out there. But Dr. J was the best. Loved how he carried himself on and off the court. That had to be fun to get his autograph.
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I agree 100% Brian. Dr J was total class and an awesome player. Thanks for reading!
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