Usually an Old Man Rant is basically just me complaining about stuff, but today I’d like to do something more useful.

This rant is mostly for those that live in Lancaster County, PA.  It’s a ranking, assessment, and in some cases, indictment of the 6 main convenience stores we have in our area.  Most of us find ourselves in these places pretty often, so this post could actually be considered a Public Service Announcement.  Feel free to agree/disagree in the comments.

In backwards order (and to make sure this post doesn’t start off too positive) here are the rankings along with their point score.

Always Sucks: Turkey Hill (3 of 10)

This place blows! And it’s such a shame too because T-hill used to be the pride of Lancaster County with its famous Slushies, deli meats, ice cream, and overall high quality.  But the only thing you can get there these days is pissed off.  The “pay at the pump” machines malfunction frequently, asking customers to pay inside-(BOOOO! What is this? 1987? Nobody pays inside anymore.) I’d rather drive to another gas station than do that. 

Also, the food sucks! Most of what they have is prepackaged junk food.  They spent a bunch of money years ago putting nice kitchens in most of the stores, but they’re a waste because there’s never anybody back there making food (the shitty, dried up hot dogs overcooking on the roller machine don’t count).  To make matters worse (actually it may be for the best) most Turkey Hills close early, making them the most inconvenient convenience store in our area.  Oh, and the bathrooms are usually single occupant things in need of a good cleaning. Make no mistake- Turkey Hill sucks!!

Usually Sucks: 7 Eleven (5 of 10)

Most of the same features as Turkey Hill except they do seem to be open around the clock.  The big exception is if you can find one of the new stores- they’re actually very nice and they make good pizza!  But- those are a rare treat, so we’re mostly left with the scummy old stores that suck. (The new stores score an 8/10)

Sucks A Little: Rutter’s (7/10)

Rutter’s is usually clean, and they have nice restrooms that are also usually clean.  They have a good selection of snacks and real foods. And- they are the first place on our list to have made-to-order food like a real restaurant or fast food place would have. 

The problem is that the food ranges wildly from pretty good to sucks very much.  Sandwiches tend to be fairly good, but hot food SUCKS!  And most of the stuff they sell from under those little heat lamps (grab and go burgers, pepperoni tornado wraps…) really tastes horrible and often comes with a side heartburn.  Stay with the cold sandwiches and all is pretty good.  Overall, Rutter’s is a pretty decent place to go. On the other hand, they don’t have water fountains- come on man!

Doesn’t Suck But Isn’t That Good: Royal Farms (7.25/10)

I first heard of this place down in MD, where it’s affectionately called RoFo (which doesn’t make sense- it should be RoFa…).  But I’m guessing people who get all excited by RoFo either 1) love fried chicken or 2) have never been to the truly fantastic places coming up soon on this list.

But RoFo is very nice. It’s clean, the bathrooms are decent and they have a good selection of snacks. And the fried chicken is apparently super great. 

But that’s my problem.  I’m not really into fried chicken. I’m more of a cold sandwich guy.  But RoFo went all in on the chicken which means I’m mostly all out of luck when it comes to finding good food at RoFo.  I’d actually rather go to Rutters every time over RoFo because the food selection is much better, and a lot of the food is good (the horrible stuff is obviously excluded from this statement).  So why is RoFo ranked higher on the list than Rutter’s?  I think it comes down to some of the truly terrible hot foods I’ve had at Rutters.  RoFo doesn’t seem to have bad food, it’s just food that I don’t particularly care for. 

And now for the big boyz- the playas, the champeens…

Kicks Ass: Sheetz (9/10)

The Sheetz Brothers opened their first truck stop in Altoona back in 1952 and since then they’ve put up what seems like a billion stores all over the east coast.  And it’s good- really good! 

Each store has an air machine that measures your tire pressure and it’s free!  And it works every time (T-hill take note).  The snack selection is excellent.  You can eat reasonably healthy or like the typical pre-diabetic American; your choice!  The bathrooms are multiple occupancy and usually in good condition. 

But the best part is the world famous Sheetz MTO food.  As in Made To Order.  For better or worse, I’ve gotten most of the items on the Sheetz menu and it’s always been pretty good or better. As I’ve said, I’m a cold sandwich guy but I make exceptions sometimes at Sheetz.  The fries are excellent- way better than McDonalds.  They make a pretty decent hot chicken sandwich (not awesome, but way better than Wendy’s- which totally sucks).  One of the best things about Sheetz is the self- checkout, which allows you to scan your item and your credit card super quick (unless you stand there and read every direction- in which case you need to stop doing that and pissing off the people behind you).  They also have pretty nice sitting areas so you can eat right there. I have nothing bad to say about Sheetz- they totally kick ass.

Oh wait- I do have one negative thing to say.  Enough already with the “Z” overuse.  I get it- Sheetz is spelled with a Z, but I don’t need to see it at the end of every word! Fryz, burgerz, eggz, hash brownz, tacoz, etc….

And because they don’t do annoying shit like that, and because they also kick ass in every way (even more so than Sheetz)- my number one ranked convenience store is…..

Really Kicks Ass: Wawa (10/10)

Wawa is legend in the Philly area and over the past decade they’ve expanded into our county as well.  Wawa is everything Sheetz is but they’ve taken the made-to-order-food to a higher level.  The hoagies and cold sandwiches are sub shop quality.  They make a late night pizza that’s as good as your typical pizza shop.  Some even have Level III fast chargers for us EV drivers.

If I’m being honest- Sheetz and Wawa are really, really close and there are a few things I actually like better about Sheetz (dining area, tire/air station) but man the food at Wawa is just so good that I prefer it to Sheetz when given a choice.  Just like their old jingle used to say- “we do it just a little bit better…Wawa”.  And they do.

Thus ends the Public Service Announcement. I’m sure I’ve said a bunch of stuff that others might think is total nonsense.  So- please share your opinion on this important topic.  What did I miss?  What experiences did you have at these places that proves me right/wrong.  We have to sort this out because nothing sucks worse than having to stop at a shitty, ill-equipped convenience store on the way home from our travels.

Special thanks to my brother-in-law Rich Bonawitz for the inspiration to rank these stores in a post. As a connoisseur himself, I’m interested to see if he agrees with anything I said!

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