For the backstory on Old Man Rants, click here. Otherwise, you know where we’re headed….

Polar Plunge Puny

My wife and I take an annual wintertime beach trip each year and it just happens to coincide with a very large Polar Bear Plunge event, which makes the weekend extra fun due to all the special activities going on.

So what’s my beef?

Some of the polar plungers.

When you hear the phrase “polar plunge”, what comes to mind? People jumping into a very cold body of water in the wintertime, emerging soaked from head to toe and full of adrenaline- right?

Well, for some people that’s really how it is. Hats off to them- they’re brave/crazy and very worthy of any accolades they get.

But to my shock, horror and disappointment, I’ve discovered that a great many of these so- called plungers rush knee deep into the ocean, turn around, and run straight back out.

That’s right- I said knee deep.

Knee deep?!

Come on man!

I think if you’re going to accept the free swag and accolades you get for plunging, you are personally obligated to commit. That means going the whole way in- head to toe.

I myself do not do the plunge, but that’s ok because I don’t claim to be a plunger.

There are typically about 4,000 plungers each year at our beach spot, and my guess is that 3,000 of them stop at the knee. 

Instead of handing out the swag before the plunge, they should do it as the plungers come out of the water. If they don’t have wet hair, they don’t get anything.  Non-plunging, critical spectators like me can serve as judges.

Plunge big or go home!

Litter Bugs

I don’t care what your excuse is- if you litter, you’re an asshole.

Last week, at a traffic light, the driver in front of me rolled down his window, stuck his hand out, and dropped what looked like a paper napkin. The hand went back inside the car, the window went up, and he continued waiting for the light to turn as if everything was just fine.

I tried communicating my displeasure to him through hand gestures and facial expressions, but he paid me no mind. 

The light turned green and he drove off to wherever assholes go. 

Straws

Do it like this!

Straws… what a waste! Most are made of plastic, used once and thrown away. BOOOOO! Single use plastic sucks!

Are we so lazy that we can’t lift the cup the whole way to our mouths in exchange for reducing the amount of plastic garbage we produce?!

Iceholes

Ice is an American obsession. I haven’t been to Europe yet, but I hear they aren’t as ice- crazed as we are. When you order a drink here in the U.S., most of the glass is filled with ice. It sucks even worse when they charge you $3 for the 1/2 half can of soda that fits in the ice-filled glass.

Isn’t the solution to just tell the bartender “no ice, please?”

Sadly- it’s not.

It sounds like a good plan, but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gone to the bar and ordered water with no ice, only to have the bartender say “sure- no problem” before dunking the glass into the ice bin as if I had spoken a different language. 

Iceholes….

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